Monday, October 19, 2009

Anything I can do to help??

There are so many wonderful people offering to help our family I don't know where to start the thank you's. Right now, we are living minute by minute and I don't know what we will need. The control freak inside of me has lost hold and I am resting in God's promise that he is sovereign and has already written the book of my Collin's life.
I am writing this post to the drip-drip-bubble-bubble that sounds like a mix between a dog lapping water and a bath tub filling with water. The sound is actually the water that is moistening the oxygen that is piping into Collin's 3 (and almost1/2) year old body. 1.5 liters, whatever that means. I am sitting on the hard couch in his room while Aaron is coaxing Collin into leaving the cannula (oxygen tube thing) in his sore little nose. Every few minutes the DING DING DING of his monitor breaks the rhythm of the O2 gizmo and I get jerked out of the "happy place" I am trying to create in my mind. Those of you who know Collin know he HATES bandaids. He always has. As you can imagine, having his little arm on a flat board from wrist to elbow is a hot button issue for him. Now he has discovered he can bang the back of the board on his bedrail and make a loud noise. Yay! (sarcasm intended). Every 1/2 hour my baby awakes. He has had terrible nightmares since arriving here about 24 hours ago. He is tiny and frail. He has lost 5 lbs since last Thursday and is now only 31lbs. As a massage therapist, his physique helps me guide along the muscles, as a mama it make me cry. Literally. Let me just say, crying while you are already losing your voice and occasionally coughing is a recipe for frustration. I can't help it. I am sad. I want to lay down on my bed and let it out. i can't. My baby needs me. He wants me. He must have me. I went to dinner tonight with Aaron to the hospital cafeteria while my mom watched Collin. I got a call about 7 minutes later from her saying I should go back. So I did. I ran through the hallway's and got to my baby just in time to hold him down for bloodwork. Did I mention he hates bandaids?? Imagine how much he LOVES needles. He fights, kicks, screams, scratches, swings and arches through every procedure. He has finally stopped screaming and shaking when a doctor walks in the room, so that is a blessing.
He is scared. Terrified. Sick. Tired. Longing for his home. I am too.
Today we saw hope. We saw him attempt to play with a balloon. He played with a car. He smiled a weak halfway smile. He said I love you. He laughed, almost. It was beautiful. It was priceless. It was Collin.
I know morning is coming soon for us. I know I am running on 1 hour of sleep and a 1/2 hour nap. I know the last week was Hell for us. I know I need to rest, but I can't right now. Rest will come for me, I know it will.
So, to answer the question, "is there anything I can do to help?" Only Grandparents and parents are allowed to come in to see us so you can't physically sit with us. I think the only thing that helps right now is knowing you are praying for our boy and the encouragement you are sending via e-mail, phone calls and facebook. For that I am eternally grateful. For now, I need to go, it is almost nightmare time. He is tossing and turning.

11 comments:

Jen said...

My heart breaks for you, dear friend, as you sit by Collin's bedside. We have been praying continuously for his healing and know it will come in God's timing. I know I keep saying this, but please, let me know how I can help. A meal, house-cleaning, a trip to the grocery? I love you and pray that everyone will get a restful night of sleep. ((HUGS))

DrMommy said...

About to cry some of those tears for you, this is so heartbreaking. He will come through this, and is young enough that hopefully he will not remember much of it as the years go by. God is with you, and loves dear Collin even more than anyone on earth can. I am praying for you every time you come to mind, which is very often. Wish I could do more.

Katie @ Domestic Debacle said...

I can't even put into words what I feel right now. I wish there were something I could do to help. I love you guys!!
I'll be praying...

Jolyn said...

Praying.

Donna said...

Becky and Aaron, my heart is with you. My prayers are with you. I love little Collin and hope to hear he is up and about soon. Love Aunt Cathy

(PS she's crying while telling me what to type to you. We all love you and will continue praying. How is Noah? You and Aaron were also sick, are you any better?) Love Donna

Alex said...

I am so sorry to hear this. It is heartbreaking when our children are so very sick. Please know we are praying for you and your family. Try to get some rest, and trust God to take care of this, because He will. I am also the in-control mommy....my son was ill last Christmas and we nearly lost him so I know where you are. Hang in there and don't forget to take care of yourself, too. When he is well, he needs you to have lots of energy :)

Becky :) said...

Donna, I am still recovering. I am on antibiotics. I am so thankful Collin has been exposed to me prior to his hosp stay because he and I are allowed to be together.
Thank you all for your support. Love to you too!

Therapy Mom said...

Oh how I wish and pray that Collin recovers. I can only imagine the stress your family is feeling. You are an awesome family and I know God is watching out for you all.

Nancy M. said...

I am praying for you and your family!

cherry fullam said...

im a friend of jenny r and you were mentioned on her blog so i thought id stop by and read. as a mom of an almost 4 year old boy, reading this post made me cry and made me scared. as a lover of Jesus, it made me rejoice that God is good and loves our children more than we ever could. im thanking God in advance for healing Collin. YAY GOD!!

Marianne Thomas said...

Oh, Becky, I just hopped over from Jenny's post. I didn't realize you guys all got this.

Whatever you need once you all come home to recuperate, let me know. I will pray pray pray for Collin and your family until then. But you can count on lots of love and support when you get home.

;-)

********************* What's New with the Dells? ********************

*********************************** Becky Dell *********************************

*********************Child of God, happily married to a wonderful man and together we are raising 2 amazing Boys!*************

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I am a child of God! I am happily married to the love of my life and together we are raising two amazing boys.