Tag...

My friend Jen, tagged me to post the 4th picture from my 4th blog post. These pics wouldn't separate for some reason, so here are 3. They are from spring 2007. Good memories.
So, now I have to tag 4 friends. Erin Johnson, Erin Chase, Erika Lindsey and Susan Galvin, it's your turn!! Have fun!

my life now...

I was just sitting here thinking about how my life is now, where I am, verses where I want(ed) to be at this point. I never thought I would be dealing with chronic pain and in my heart of hearts I always doubted that I would ever be married - let alone happily married. Now I sit and reflect on all of the twists and turns that my life has taken. I think of my childhood and all of the insecurities I remember having and how many of them still haunt me. I think about the issues that are forever attached to my youth. Issues of self-hatred and my horrible lack of self esteem. I think of my first "relationship" with a boy named David and the "abuse" I tolerated in that relationship. I think about how I confused empty words for "love". I think about the self destructive behavior that I have yet to fully give over to God. I think about the weight I have lost and gained over my almost 30 years and how different my life is now after loosing 52 lbs - for good. 52 pounds - about the weight equivillent to that of my boys - COMBINED!
I think about how much my life has changed. On June 17th Aaron and I will celebrate 10 years of being together. When I first met Aaron, I was in a really bad place in my life. I think the downward spiral that I was fully engulfed in at the time Aaron and I initially met was due in part to my desire to run from God, also my fear of dealing with "me". I was very immature, but I thought I had it all figured out. I filled my days with work and my evening/nights were a potluck of dangerous behavior, self-destruction, alcohol abuse and self-hate. Overall, I was extremely selfish! I think about the time, a short while before Aaron and I met and began dating. I can now look back and see God's hand and providence, but at the time, it was HELL! I was lost and seeking desperately to find fulfillment! I praise God for loving me enough to send Aaron into my life at a time when I would have trusted any boy who came along, but God choose to bring Aaron to me. Aaron has always treated me like a gift from God and has always tried to protect me.
I don't know where I am going with this, I guess I am just rambling and trying to think about why God has so greatly blessed my life. I think about the pain I am currently experiencing in my back. I think about the question I ask myself before my head leaves the pillow in the morning, what will today be like? Will I be able to pick up my boys? Can I take them outside? Can I sit up? Can I move?.... Each new day seems to bring new challenges and planning event's (playdates, errands...) are often hard to keep.
I think I will probably never know why the pain I am experiencing is part of my life, but I am thankful that the Lord who is sovereign over all has a plan for this part of my life. I am so thankful that I have Aaron and my amazing boys!
Praise the Lord!