Looking you in the eyes and speaking the truth

Today I am going to look you in the eye and share the truth about what I am going through. Some of it will be obvious, some hard, some hum-drum, some encouraging, and some disposable. Here it is.

The truth is...

*This morning I woke up tired, not because I went to bed late, but because the pain was bad last night. I didn't rest much. It was a long night.

*About 6:30, Collin came into our bed for morning cuddle time. Aaron and I have encouraged this from the start with the boys. We love cuddling with them. We soak it up. We long for it. We treasure it. Today, when he came in he snuggled up to Aaron and went back to sleep. Around 7:15 I woke up rolled over and looked at my beautiful (ALMOST 4 year old!!) boy sleeping. No worries, no concern, no pain... just rest. This gave me great joy and peace and I finally felt rested.

*Aaron & Noah beat me downstairs. By the time I joined them in the kitchen, coffee had been brewed and they were getting ready to make breakfast! I settled in on the couch with a nice comfy blanket and listened to Aaron and Noah as they started the process of making french toast to the sizzling/popping soundtrack of bacon cooking on the griddle behind them. Noah asked the typical gazillion questions. Aaron gave the answers. It was all music to my heart!! The batter was completed and the bread was being dipped and griddled to perfection. YUM!

*We went to church. Sunday school was wonderful. I love the teaching style of my girlfriend Lisa and the topic, I am sure, was picked just for my benefit. Okay, I know that isn't the case, but man did it ring true and speak to me.

*The church service was difficult. My back became more and more angry, so I excused myself and found an empty classroom and laid on the floor for a while. When I regained my strength, I went back to church only to hear the end of the sermon. I didn't retain much.

*After church we came home. I helped Aaron get lunch together. We ate and I asked the boys if they would walk on my legs. Noah smiled and said,"Mommy, are you going to play with us?". I told him I was going to lay on the floor and would like it if they would walk on my legs to help them feel better. He shrunk down, lowered his head and said, "nevermind". That broke my heart.

*God affirmed our decision to have back surgery 2 times today.

*Tonight I am going to church and will be annointed w/ oil and prayed for. I love our church family!

*Tonight we will have communion at church tonight.

*I do not know how I will get through this week, but I know God is faithful and will do what he says he will do!

*Tuesday and Wednesday I will have thyroid scans. I am honestly not worried about it. I know this is all part of God's plan for my life. I know God is good all the time! I know he has given me great peace about all that is going on in my body.

*I am focusing on his goodness. The pain I am currently going through is intense and horrible, but I praise him for all that he is teaching me through this struggle. He is so gracious. Praise God!