Where have I been??

Why the Debbie Downer Face?
Well, honestly I haven't been hiding, just processing. I will fill you in, but try to be brief.

Where to begin?? Perhaps a brief summary will do the trick.

For the last (almost) 10 years I have dealt with some pretty extensive back problems. The truth is, I am in pain everyday, but it is part of me and doesn't warrant discussion. In December my back went out. When I say went out, I mean I couldn't walk. I went to the doc, got an script for prednisone (steroid), vicoden, and a shot in the butt of cortisone (steroid). This worked wonderfully at first. In fact I felt better than I had in a long time and enjoyed an amazing Christmas holiday and New Year's Eve. However, that was a gift from God and a couple of weeks ago the pain came back. My leg started hurting terribly and I began to experience numbness and tingling. YIKES! I will not try to explain this pain to you because unless you have personally experienced it, you cannot fully grasp the immense pain that it brings. Last week an MRI revealed a pinched nerve and a worsening of my degenerative disc disease all. My problems are in L4,L5 and S1. I have 2 bulging discs and one herniated and the disc disease is all over that area. So on Wed next week I will meet with a surgeon (again). I have not seen a neurosurgeon since 2002 so I am interested in what he has to say.

So I don't get comments about how this is the LAST resort, I will state what I have done for treatment over the last 9 + years since the onset of my back problems...

*Cortisone Epidural Injections - 2 times, each is a series of 3 injections - under x-ray - with a GIANT needle of cortisone into the epidural space.

*Physical Therapy - 4 different series of PT appt's over the 9+yrs.

*Chiropractics - 4 different docs with different approaches, multiple sessons (all resulting in worsening my symptoms).

*Many massages

*Steroids

*More steroids

*Pain management drugs

*Anti-inflammatory meds

*Muscle Relaxers

*Anti-spasmodic meds

*Yoga

*Pilates

*Weight training

I didn't want to jump into surgery, but honestly I have tried so many things, I am weary. I want to have a healthy back and if that means that I need to have surgical intervention, I am ready. Mentally, emotionally, physically and financially. I will let you know what the surgeon says. I am also prepared for him to say there may be something else he recommends. I covet your prayers and support as we venture into a new phase of this journey. Thanks!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I just want to scream! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!! It helps, but it isn't the same to write a scream. I am weary this morning. I am sad. I am tired. I feel torn. This is the first time I have had to be away from Noah when he is sick. My heart is breaking. I know he is in great hands! (Thank you Mom and Dad!) I know he is not feeling that bad, but I also know he is missing his mommy and brother a lot right now! Collin misses Noah too. A LOT! Yesterday, Collin started crying, "I miss my Noah! I want my Noah. I miss my brother." It hurts them to be apart especially because they don't understand why or what is going on. Last night is was so precious to listen to them talk over the phone. When the boys were done talking, I took the phone and told Noah how much I love him and I that I wanted to take him out for ice cream when Collin is all better and we come home. Collin said he wanted to go too! I told him that I think it should just be Noah and Mommy and he could do something with just Daddy. Noah told me, " Oh, it's okay Mom! My brother can come too and my Dad!" So, when this hellish reality of hospitals and separation is over, you'll find us on a famiy date! I cannot wait!!!
So if you're reading this and you have all your kids at home give them a big hug in honor of my lonely heart!