This pic was taken on Nov 19, 2006. I had a 2 1/2 year old, a 6 month old, acid reflux, a poor body image and I was broken. I turned 28 the day before this pic was taken and I was no where near the mother or wife I wanted to be. I was limited by my self-loathing and fear pretty much controlled my every move. So, I started counting calories, but MOST importantly I gave a lot of the issues that kept me in that "fatsuit" over to God. I say "most" because I still have a long way to go.
Fast forward to a 61lbs weightloss and a new lease on life. Then I hit a wall, well, almost died acutally. In short I lost January 2008 - about a week ago to a smattering of health problems. Those of you who are new to this blog should check out my entries from last Aug - Sept to catch up.
Anyway, I have gained a little of my weight back, but not even a quarter of what I lost. I am frustrated, but diligent in looking for a way I can work out while still giving my body time to heal. Today I went shopping for jeans. A gig many women hate! I have a newfound appreciation for finding jeans pre kidney surgery. Now I have to hide my muffin top while making sure the waistline of my pants doesn't rub or put pressure on my still healing incision. GRR! Well, I was convinced I was going to have cave in and get a size 16 or 18, I was SSOOO happy to get 2 new beautiful pair of size 14 jeans, 1 -Gap 1 -Old Navy. I was in a size 12 or 14 when I had surgery. So I am well aware I am still dealing with what I see in the mirror vs what is reality. Someday I will hit my goal and when that day comes, I am having a HUGE PARTAY!! And you are all invited!! WOOT WOOT! (PS I did tremble when I posted my sixes, but I am trying to realize that it is a size NOT my identity!!)
7 comments:
I am proud of you sister!! You have come so far. I know I do not see myself accurately either. I still see myself as GG! THe truth is that what is the most important is not our physical image. I have learned to such about how God sees me. You are SO much healthier than you were in 2006. Truth be told, you are SO much healthier than you were when you were buying the size twelve. Your kidney surgery may have left you a bit "deformed" but it also left you... HEALTHIER! Sometimes you don't feel it but you know that it is true. Try to resist the urge to see that surgery as a set back. It may have been a momentary speed bump on your road to a thinner you but it actually accelerated your progress toward your ultimate goal of health!! I fully believe that God will bring you complete healing and that one day YOU WILL see yourself as we do. He CAN and wants to do that for you! I am so proud of you!
You look beautiful and you radiate love of life and thankfulness for where God's brought you! Enjoy your new jeans :)
Yay Becky! You are continuing to grow and learn about yourself, but most importantly God, all the time. I too find that God is peeling back even more layers in my life to promote heart healing in me. After having had Maggie I'm still 20 pounds from my lowest weight a couple of years ago. But I know God is doing something bigger in my life than just taking off a few pounds. It's a heart thing.
I think you look FABOOSH my dear! I celebrate my muffin top, 'cause I got it from M! BTW- we're the same size- and I think we're awesome!
Yay you! You've been through a CRAZY year and I am continually wowed by your grit and determination to turn every negative into a place for learning and growth. You haven't given up. We all have bad days but you know exactly Who tugs you through them.
Um, and I think there should be some kind of muffin-top club. Or at least a t-shirt. A proud mark of motherhood!
It has been amazing to see you grow throughout your journey. God bless you as you continue on to your goal. You'll get there and I can't wait to party with you when you do!
Girlfriend, you inspire me. You have set an example of determination and faith that I will not soon forget. Love you!
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